A Candid Post That Was A Long Time Coming…

I had a sad realization today that turned bittersweet: I hate that I moved to Texas. I’ll always wonder how my life would have been had I stayed in Virginia. The whole reason we moved was because my mom got a new job out here and she ended up hating that job because the environment and the people stressed her out too much. But I missed having friends. Yes, I added some of them on Facebook, but how much does that really account for? I sent a short message letting them know who I was and that I went to school with them, but besides that, what are they going to remember about me? There are still more friends I lost because they were simply too young to remember me now.

I still haven’t been back to Virginia since we moved, but what is there to go back to really? All of my friends are split into new groups, and have boyfriends, and their lives are so full. I’m happy for them. I’m glad I get to see how they’re doing. But even after I moved here, there are still people I didn’t have as good friendships with that I wish I had. They’re all at different colleges and universities now, also living full lives. I have people as “best” friends ( and I do use that term loosely) who I don’t want anything to do with anymore, but I have no idea how to end those friendships, so I guess I am stuck for awhile.

Don’t get me wrong, I met some wonderful people in high school, who I still consider very close friends today, I just wish I saw them more; my closest friend is all the way in Utah! But I hopefully get to see her very soon 🙂

This feels so much like a whiny Tumblr post like the ones I used to do when I was really depressed in high school. I thank God every day that I finally broke out of that. Of course, being me, I still complain about what I don’t have, but I have moments every day where I realize what all I have and how thankful I am for it, and that it wouldn’t be possible without sticking to prayer and reading my personal “bible”. It’s not really a bible, just a book I’ve been reading that I really love. It’s called “Finally the Bride” by Cheryl McKay and it’s about strengthening your relationship with God and trusting him to bring you and “the one” together when the time is right. I wrote a short review on it here.

Thanks so much for listening to me whine a little alot.

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